Student- Boyyy, you bout to get pimp-slapped!
Student A- Mr. L, he keeps shoving that in my face! Mr. Lighter- If she asked you to stop, you need to stop. Student B- But we’re playing gangstas, and gangstas do what they want!
Male Student- All girls want to do is shop and waste your money.
Student A- You suck! Student B- Oh yeah? Well, I’m going to cut your cock off!
Student- Isabella’s my girlfriend! Mr. Lighter- She is! Does she know? Student- Not yet, but she’s going to come play at my house tomorrow. And don’t tell Mrs. Carle; I don’t want her to know I’m dating. Mr. Lighter- Why not? Student- Because she doesn’t like anyone having boyfriends because she doesn’t have a boyfriend anymore.
I had planned to post about kindergarteners calling me “Mr. LaTurkey” or how Brian’s mom was just the worst because she got him the $15 plan for his iPhone instead of the $25 plan. But last night I learned that a sophomore woke up on the Martin Luther King holiday, left his house, and walked down the street. And he kept walking until he was in front of a freight train. He was 15. Substitute...
Mr. Lighter- Good Morning, Austin! Austin- Good Morning, Uncle L!
Mr. Lighter- “Anthony?” Student- “Which one? The Asian or the Scene Kid?”
Mr. Lighter- Good Morning, Alex! Alex- Good Morning, Big Papa!
Student- Mr. Lighter, I got my phone taken away! Mr. Lighter- Come on, you’re smarter than that! What was so incredibly important that you had to text in front of the teacher? Student- Oh no, it wasn’t like that. I texted Sam at the exact time that she had gotten her phone confiscated by the principal.
Student- Ew, it was so sick. The guy I liked grew a beard over break.
Mr. Lighter- Hey, so how was your dad’s wedding? Student- It was okay. Mr. Lighter- Just okay? Student- The food sucked. You know Alexia at the high school? She’s my stepsister now, and she was running around dancing and screaming the whole time. She sucked worse than the food. Mr. Lighter- Ouch. Student- But it was cool, because when I got home the next day, my stepdad took me...
Student- My favorite Chinese restaurant got closed for serving cats and dogs! Mr. Lighter- Oh man! Student- But sometimes we still go there because they have crab puffs.
Female Student- Mr. L, Carson just kicked me in my wiener!
Student: Mr. L, will you sub for us when Mrs. Taylor has her baby next month? Mr. Lighter: Can’t buddy! I’m movin! Student: What?! Mr. Lighter: I’m headin to San Luis Obispo! It’s time to blow this taco stand! Student: Why? You’re just going to run out of money and have to move back home again.